I wrote this note on Facebook years ago when I was still a Director of youth ministry, but the article linked to below really brought it back to my mind. It’s amazing how close our two lists of 7 things are! The things that Emily Stimpson is saying are absolutley true I encourage everyone to read what she says.
The following is what I wrote about love in 2008 and it is truer now than it ever has been before. I stand by what I said then 100%. I’m not down on love. I love love, especially now that I am married and have my own son on the way (who is due literally any minute now as I type this blog). So take a minute and read about what love is, really. What is a relationship? Not our cultures answer to the question “What is Love?”.
I’ve read a lot lists floating around social networks, and they mostly make me sick to my stomach. Our culture is perpetuating the idea that physical intimacy is what Love is all about. This is categorically false. Although physical intimacy has it’s place in your love life it absolutely does not define it. This right here is the REAL love list. Women, if a man treats you this way you have found love forever not “Until BOREDOM do us part” or “until menopause do us part” You ready for this? Here we Go!!
1. Real love is an intimacy of the mind. You should feel completely comfortable not touching your significant other while in the same room, but just enjoying each others company. If you have to touch your significant other every second you’re in the same room your relationship is not strong enough mentally, so you crutch on what’s easy the physical.
2. If you have real love for your significant other you should make them the only person you are intimate with. But if you are sexually intimate with every person you fall in love with none of those people are the only person you are intimate with. Real Love is forever, and forever goes in BOTH DIRECTIONS folks, not just into the future.
3. REAL Love IS NOT happy with you the way you are. Real love challenges your partner to become a better person real love helps them every day to become the best person they can be, and real love, REAL LOVE, expects the same from them, not complaining when out of Love they try to help you overcome your faults.
4. REAL Love is a DECISION not an emotion. It begins with an emotion, but REAL serious Love, the kind that includes things like sex and marriage, is a decision. A decision that lasts “until DEATH do you part”. It won’t be easy, and at times you will want to walk away but you make the DECISION to never do that no matter what. If you can’t man up, and commit yourself, FOREVER, to the happiness of the beautiful woman who wants to be with you, THEN KEEP YOUR JUNK IN YOUR PANTS! Because you are not worthy.
5. (ladies) Real love respects the man you will be with. You wouldn’t flaunt your body to others if you were married. Why are you doing it now? If there is real substance to you in your heart and in your head guys are going to notice. Guys don’t need you to highlight your physical beauty… we’re pretty good at noticing it no matter what you are wearing, and if we don’t find you physically attractive no amount of thongs, makeup or short skirts is going to change our minds in fact it usually makes it worse :) You start jiggling things around, and wearing nothing but a piece of yarn and you are going to attract a terrible person who will take advantage of you and kick you to the curb for the next jiggly thing he sees. You are beautiful and deserving of everything love has to give. Don’t cheapen yourself, and spend your life chasing after guys who aren’t capable of really loving you.
6. REAL love is about appropriate SEX. It’s about seeking real intimacy with the one you love. Sex does and always will permanently connect you with your partner. That’s half the point! (the other half is making babies) Sex unites a man and a woman to each other for the purpose of STRENGTHENING their love, and bringing children to the family. Not creating love, or turning like into love, but strengthening something that already solidly exists, giving it the ability to last forever. If you pass around the pie to everyone who’s hungry nobody feels special, especially you. There is nothing left for you to give once you’ve given away sex. No way of showing your Love that they are more special than anyone before them.
7. People encourage girls to save sex for a special night like Prom or Homecoming with you’re boy friend that you “Love”. Question… Why would you want that night with your high school boyfriend to be more special than your wedding night with your future husband? Saving your self for prom or your one year anniversary, or until you get engaged… that is a bastardization of what is good and truly meaningful. Which would be saving yourself for the most important human being in your life.
People wonder why our divorce rate is so high. People say oh it’s because people aren’t having their happiness suppressed any more by out dated concepts. That is absolutely BULL and you know it. Our divorce rate is so high because we are becoming more and more of a selfish people. Our personal happiness is becoming the most important thing to us. Stop for a second, and think about the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you were their only sexual experience you would be their best sexual experience, and not only that you would share something between each other that no other person has ever known. These are the sort of things that make marriages last, and these are the only sort of things that can be called true unselfish Love.
There it is. You got a problem with that? Give me an ear full. I love love, but love is hard work it’s not like a movie. The sooner you get over yourself and realize that it’s not about you or your happiness at all, it’s about YOUR PARTNERS, the sooner you will have the capacity to actually Love with true devotion. Then you will be ready to be a husband or a wife.
Pass this on to somebody that you love not because anything bad or good will happen to you next week if you do (because any message that claims that is garbage), but because if you love to love and believe this you should desire it for your friends. That they have true happiness and Love. That is what love is.